i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
