bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
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