i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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