Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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