So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
