i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Dicks are not precious.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
