naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
