i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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