There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
