there's paper in my vomit.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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