Sry I called you an 8
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
