i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
