need another drink. this is the easiest way
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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