Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
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