3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
