Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Slut skills are useful in every country.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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