oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Randomize
