Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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