Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
