Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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