well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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