How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
