so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
