God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
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just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
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If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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