I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
