I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
We left the knife in your bed.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
