So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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