Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
