Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
my phone needs a breathalizer
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
