How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
