once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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