he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Shame is for Republicans.
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