For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
