Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
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