so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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