I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
