if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
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