Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
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