i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
