giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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