I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
