please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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