Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Randomize
