with your own penis?
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
