im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
In other news, I just burned my penis
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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