lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I can't turn off my feet"
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
