i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I intend to get homeless drunk
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
