we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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