She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
