What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
