I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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