having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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