I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
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Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
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Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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