Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
