There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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