Cold hands, warm shart.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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