Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
