I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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