i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements