Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
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I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
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we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD