Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
