before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
