The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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