So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Randomize
